Dear Jenny,

I dated someone about 15 years ago, we had an amazing wonderful relationship. However, after about four years together, our relationship ended abruptly. There was dishonesty involved on his part. It took me a while to accept that it was over and move on, but I did. Recently, he reached out to me after finding me on social media. I was shocked when I saw the message, but I responded and we spoke via Internet as well as the telephone. Even though we had only spoken a couple of times he invited me to his home and offered to pay for my airfare. I was stunned to say the least! I was hoping for a rekindled loving romance, not a one night “sleepover!” I gathered my feelings and then told him exactly how I felt. I spoke my truth. I told him that I was not in the same place I was 15 years ago and I was looking for more. Normally, I would have hopped on a plane and stayed at his place! But I feel I have experienced growth and I don’t want to take any steps backward in my self-worth. Needless to say, he listened to me and then told me he’s glad we are in contact again and then gave me the old, “keep in touch,” line. At that moment, I felt disappointed, in both what could have been and in myself for thinking it. Then I felt disappointed in being disappointed! What did I do wrong? Was telling him my feelings too heavy? Maybe I should have kept it light. What do you think?




Please never think that speaking your truth is wrong, ever! I should hope you’re not in the same place you were 15 years ago. I should also hope that you have grown enough to honor yourself and your needs and not settle for anything. I love that you are courageous enough to ask for what you want. Do you see what you are doing right now, Stacy? You are living outside of your story, you are changing your story. Maybe you have always been the type of girl who accepts things whether she wants them or not. But by you stating what you want, your old story has to change. And by changing your story, you change your life!

I invite you to consider the possibility that maybe he is in a place right now where he doesn’t feel comfortable with himself. Maybe he feels that he is in a rut and asked you over because he doesn’t know what else to do. And by you being honest with him and showing him how to honor yourself, it taught him. You are his teacher, Stacy, just as he is yours. The universe is always out to help you, but it is also always out to help others.

When you settle for anything less than what you deserve, you are honoring only your small self. And that only keeps you small. Growth can never take place. This person from your past relationship who came into your life might have only come in for a short time to help you see more clearly how you want to be. Or your relationship my take another turn and you may find yourself with each other again. But you will both be at another level, isn’t that great to think about?

Always honor yourself, Stacy, and honor others as well. You never know where another person is on their journey and what lessons they need to learn. But always know that whatever they say about you or think about you, has nothing to do with you!


4 thoughts on “An Ex Asked Me to Sleepover and I said No, Why Am I So Disappointed?

    1. It is so important to stay in our happy, well said! Sometimes it gets a little convoluted when it comes to relationships!

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