Dear Jenny,

I have a friend, a very close friend, and she has been dating the same guy for about six months. I often go out with them both, I guess you could say I’m a little bit of a third wheel, but that really does not bother me. What bothers me is how she acts when she is around him. Sometimes she seems like a completely different person. She always asks him what he wants to do, she is always asking him for his approval, it’s as though she doesn’t feel that she even matters.  Or at least that her opinion doesn’t matter.  It makes me sick to see a friend who is so confident with herself, so smart and so independent be ridiculous and pathetic around a guy. 

Every time I see them together it gets worse and worse. But when she is not with him it’s like the person I used to always know.  I have told her that her personality change bothers me and I have told her how she acts when she is with him, but she still does it.  It is almost getting worse.  What do you think I should do about this?  I am so grossed out about this!

-Vicki

 

Hi Vicki,

Sounds like you have a bad case of the “even though it is none of my business I still want to control the situation” blues.  To begin with, your friend is not you, to put it another way, your friend is just that, your friend.  So why are you letting what she does or how she spends her time bother you?  You explained that her attitude when she is around her boyfriend is not what you are used to seeing in her.  Her attitude is actually annoying and honestly, it bugs you.  I can totally understand that, Vicki.  But do you really think I am going to tell you that you are in the right here? 

I understand the situation; however, it is quite normal to have these feelings come up when a person we are close with seems to act totally different when they are around another person.  Look at the situation, you have a friend who has someone in her life and you don’t approve of how your friend acts, the operative word here is YOU.

When there is something going on in someone else’s life that annoys us, it is only because there is something wrong going on in our own life that annoys us.  Usually, we either choose not to see it or don’t look deep enough.  Why don’t you take this opportunity to look inside yourself for something that is not making you happy.   

Everything in this situation has to do with you.  It really doesn’t have to do with anyone else, not your friend, her boyfriend, anyone.  Your friend possibly has her own insecurities within herself.  But they are hers.  She will address her issues when she is ready, when she sees them.  Please remember, Vicki, we are all on our own paths, even if you see something in someone you want to change, remember that.  You are not on the same journey. 

The only thing that has to do with you is you.  More simply put, the only thing that is your business is your business.  Good luck with everything. Of course it is going to be alright, it already is.  Just step back and stop looking outside of yourself for answers, answers are always inside.

Have a great day and thanks for writing in!

Namaste,
♥♥♥Jenny

 

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